Photo Cred Above: Paige Forden Photography

Note: This was written under the influence of insomnia (is that a thing? – just made it one)

Confession time • I haven’t slept through the night in 18months and 9 days. Now, before you go any further, this is not a “looking fo sympathy” post. I am here because of the choices we’ve made, and I wouldn’t go back and change them. Choices…did you know that you have SO many choices to make when you’re raising a human? They don’t get a say. Just us, their parents. 

Choices • we literally tried them all. Who wouldn’t? When you’re so desperate for sleep it’s driving you crazy. You know what finally felt right, what finally felt like I could breathe and function again? Co-sleeping (well, and Zoloft). Now back to not feeling sorry for me. We sleep and sleep great (comparatively especially) it’s just not not uninterrupted. (triple negative?) I have a 1.5yr old who has only known soothing by nursing. So we nurse. On and off throughout the night and I honestly couldn’t tell you how much. That is, until now. 

Night Weaning • it feels like it’s time. I’m ready, he’s not. S h o c k e r. But he understands more, he can understand what we say, just lacks the understanding, ya know? Co-sleeping is still really important to us, as we’ve come to really love it. I’ve watched my husband connect with my son on such a deep level that I could only have dreamt about in my prayers. Dad loves it. But night weaning is hard, we’ve put it off because we knew it would be…and we were finally sleeping!! I’m tired, dad’s tired, jury’s out on if toddler is tired…he’s super human. 

Why? • why am I telling you this? Because this. This feels like a secret I’ve had to keep. Because the society/culture/community we live in feels so far away from our reality. And I’m tired. (See above) but more importantly tired of feeling guilty or shameful about our choices. I truly have no judgment towards anyone who does things differently than us because parenting so hard. What I know about ‘you’ as a parent, is that you truly desire to do what’s best for your family. So I guess I wanted to post this vulnerable post to ask for the same. Just grace. Aren’t we all just tired? 

If you find yourself in a similar situation (or have been in the past) I would love any advice and tips you have on night weaning whilst co-sleeping! Alternatively, if you find yourself feeling like you’ve “tried it all” and are curious about co-sleeping, feel free to message me your questions! – you’ll at least find solidarity.